How You Doin'?

Yeah, yeah, I know. It's been an eternity since I posted an entry. I'm alive and well and still living and working here in Singapore. I can't believe that it's been a year now since I moved. Moreover, I can't believe that that flaming piece of crap called Two and a Half Men is still on television.

I remember shooting the breeze with friends one night after dinner and I asked everyone to name the one thing on this earth which they hated with a passion -- bordering on the nuclear, so much so that if this loathing could be harnessed, it would be powerful enough to generate electricity to run the whole of Metro Manila for five years. This thing could be a person, place, event, animal, mineral or vegetable. One friend said he couldn't decide between either Pol Pot or Adolf Hitler. Another said Dubai -- the country not the movie. Jericho Rosales was another hated thing. Or animal to be specific. I said, with all the bluster and gusto which only raging scorn can provide, I fucking hate and have always fucking hated and will always fucking hate Two and a Half Men. The TV show.

Why?

Because, and I would put this forward as my number one reason for my animosity towards this show, it's not funny. Let me briefly elaborate. A thing is a thing because of what it is. A car has wheels and it transports me from Point A to Point B. If a car doesn't have wheels and is not capable of transporting me from one point to another, then it doesn't have any reason for being. It fails to be what it is. Wikipedia says that Two and a Half Men is a sitcom. A sitcom is short for situation comedy. The second part of this phrase means that it's supposed to make me laugh. It doesn't because it's simply not funny. Therefore, to me, it doesn't have any reason to exist.

Think about it. How can this piece of shit be anything but not funny? It's got the lamest elements put together for a show which claims to be a sitcom. Two brothers and the most unattractive kid on the planet living together in a beach house in Malibu. The kid is not only ugly but he also can't act. He's the son of one of the brothers but I don't give a shit to find out who the father is. The brother who owns the beach house is a womanizing asshole. The divorced brother is a spineless twat who thinks he's better than his brother as he's supposed to be the smarter of the two. So the kid is Gary Coleman from Diff'rent Strokes. The lecherous brother is Joey from Friends. The inept motherfucker is that brother played by David Hyde Pierce on Frazier. I swear this show is totally devoid of originality or creativity.

Another reason why I abhor Two and a Half Men is because Charlie Sheen is in it. And still another is that this show has single-handedly made Mr. Sheen the highest paid TV star, no, actor, no, no, no, um, guy in America. Enough said. No need to elaborate on this one.

And still: This craptastic and alleged sitcom has been on-air since 2003. It's the highest rated, ugh, comedy on TV. It's Emmy-nominated. Arrested Development also debuted in 2003 but got cancelled last year. Its ratings were horrendous. Emmywise, it won a shitload (five in 2004, one in 2005, and had four nominations for its truncated and last third season in 2006). The fact that Two and a Half Man is still on-air and Arrested Development was cancelled pisses me off to no end. How can sheer mediocrity be so rewarded?